Almost Cut My Hair

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I've had a lot on my mind recently. And considering all of it has been just that (on my mind, not on paper), it's not easy knowing where to start. Since ya' gotta start somewhere...

I'm reminded from time to time about a little boy, around four years old, sitting by himself on a curb in front of his house. He's not doing anything in particular except sitting alone and staring down at the street in front of him, occasionally picking up a small stone and tossing it into the street. The little boy's mother and next door neighbor pause from their morning coffee break, taking notice of him from the kitchen window. Feeling a little sorry for him, they decide to go out and see if the little boy is alright. With his chin cradled in his hands, he appears to be simply pondering the day. Perhaps he is thinking about playing baseball, or chasing lizards, or visiting another little friend up the street. He most certainly is not thinking about anything serious, not worrying about anything in particular. After all, he's only four years old. His mother and her friend reach the curb where the little boy is sitting. They both bend slightly at the waist to better see his face. "Are you alright? You've been sitting out here for quite a while", asks the mother. Without looking around, his chin still in his hands, the little boy responds, "Leave me alone. I just wanna sit here!"

Of course, 56 years later, I haven't really changed that much. Well, some things haven't changed anyway. I still sit and ponder the day, every day, doing way too much thinking.

I know what I think about now. But, what was I brooding over back then, at four years old? Or at ten...or thirteen? Now...I think a lot about mortality. How much time I have left. How many more things I would like to do. Back then, on that particular day, I think I was simply waiting for the Good Humor Man to drive by. And I just wanted to be left alone while doing so. I was then and will always be a somewhat solitary person.

So, the other day, I almost cut my hair. I have (literally) not been feeling up to par. Metaphorically, (to me anyway) it means it is time for a change I suppose.

And I (need to) find a place inside to laugh, separate the wheat from the chaff.
I feel ...
Like I owe it, to someone.