Cynical is as cynical does.

Could it actually be possible that I am becoming even more cynical in my old age? I had this conversation with myself the other day.

Of course it is possible. It's not only possible, it's very probable. So before I answered this self imposed question, I needed to re-examine the definition of the word cynical. And before I did that, I looked up "the opposite of cynical"...and found naive. According to most posts, naive is indeed the opposite of cynical. This rediscovery pleased me because I assumed the opposite of cynical was hopeful...and naive is an accepted synonym for hopeful.

So what is cynical? Besides being the opposite of naive...how about like or characteristic of a cynic; distrusting or disparaging the motives of others; pessimistic; skeptical; negative; suspicious; misanthropic, and so on. Is this me? Hold on.

The original question posed to myself was "Could it actually be possible that I am becoming even more cynical in my old age?" Is the key word here more...assuming I have always been that "C"-word kind of person? Is being cynical a black and white proposition, or can one be kind of or a little or somewhat or part time cynical? If someone engages in random acts of cynicism, are they really a cynic? I'll tell you this...I don't want to be a cynic! Because, you see, I have always thought of myself as somewhat naive, ie, hopeful, simple, trusting, innocent, childlike...at times, stupid. I just threw in that last synonym for grins, writer's prerogative. (And, yes, that is the proper spelling of prerogative).

I've decided that, me, myself, I can have a cynical moment or a cynical day, "Yeah...I'm kind of cynical today. A bit distrustful, misanthropic, gloomy, peevish. Not feeling up to par" (to borrow a line from Almost Cut My Hair). So yes, me, myself, I are actually cynical that moment or day. It is not a life sentence, at least with me it isn't. With some other people I have known, some I still know today? Yes, indeed...full time cynics are out there, professional scoffers, nay-sayers, purveyors of poo-poo and bitterness and self righteous indignation. They revel in it, are proud of it, and are unaware they wallow in cynicism. This brings a conundrumic thought to mind. If cynics are unaware they are cynical, are they not also naive? "She is such a cynic, but is so naive about it! She has no idea!" Can one be both cynical and naive at the same time? Now we're talking. Thanks Joseph Heller.

And there you have it...I am being cynical right now! But only right now. Later on this day off, away from work, I plan to be a bit naive, credulous, inborn, natural, maybe even a little primitive (all synonyms for naive by the way). Picture me prancing nymph-like around the (back) yard in a Speedo (sprinklers on) to the sounds of Karma Chameleon or Maniac. Is that naivete...to just plain, f***ing goofy? You be the judge.