Just moving across town...

To all my friends and any other readers who stop here once in a while, there is an address change.

I finally got a new website up and running that includes a blog. To follow, just click on this link for the site, then go to the blog tab.

Thanks, Skip

Surviving One's Past

Surviving one's past? Hell, surviving one's present is challenging enough. How do you deal with the past?

Coming soon...

Cynical is as cynical does.

Could it actually be possible that I am becoming even more cynical in my old age? I had this conversation with myself the other day.

Of course it is possible. It's not only possible, it's very probable. So before I answered this self imposed question, I needed to re-examine the definition of the word cynical. And before I did that, I looked up "the opposite of cynical"...and found naive. According to most posts, naive is indeed the opposite of cynical. This rediscovery pleased me because I assumed the opposite of cynical was hopeful...and naive is an accepted synonym for hopeful.

So what is cynical? Besides being the opposite of naive...how about like or characteristic of a cynic; distrusting or disparaging the motives of others; pessimistic; skeptical; negative; suspicious; misanthropic, and so on. Is this me? Hold on.

The original question posed to myself was "Could it actually be possible that I am becoming even more cynical in my old age?" Is the key word here more...assuming I have always been that "C"-word kind of person? Is being cynical a black and white proposition, or can one be kind of or a little or somewhat or part time cynical? If someone engages in random acts of cynicism, are they really a cynic? I'll tell you this...I don't want to be a cynic! Because, you see, I have always thought of myself as somewhat naive, ie, hopeful, simple, trusting, innocent, childlike...at times, stupid. I just threw in that last synonym for grins, writer's prerogative. (And, yes, that is the proper spelling of prerogative).

I've decided that, me, myself, I can have a cynical moment or a cynical day, "Yeah...I'm kind of cynical today. A bit distrustful, misanthropic, gloomy, peevish. Not feeling up to par" (to borrow a line from Almost Cut My Hair). So yes, me, myself, I are actually cynical that moment or day. It is not a life sentence, at least with me it isn't. With some other people I have known, some I still know today? Yes, indeed...full time cynics are out there, professional scoffers, nay-sayers, purveyors of poo-poo and bitterness and self righteous indignation. They revel in it, are proud of it, and are unaware they wallow in cynicism. This brings a conundrumic thought to mind. If cynics are unaware they are cynical, are they not also naive? "She is such a cynic, but is so naive about it! She has no idea!" Can one be both cynical and naive at the same time? Now we're talking. Thanks Joseph Heller.

And there you have it...I am being cynical right now! But only right now. Later on this day off, away from work, I plan to be a bit naive, credulous, inborn, natural, maybe even a little primitive (all synonyms for naive by the way). Picture me prancing nymph-like around the (back) yard in a Speedo (sprinklers on) to the sounds of Karma Chameleon or Maniac. Is that naivete...to just plain, f***ing goofy? You be the judge.

Porsche finally woke up!

A damn four door Porsche sedan...the Panamera! Starts at $74,500 to $132,600. Choose the entry level Panamera with a 300hp/6 cylinder or a 400 hp v8 or 500 hp Turbo v8. At my age (60) I don't usually drop comments like "this is jammin'"...but it seems appropriate. Boomers with a fat pocketbook can now put their aging mother in the backseat with ease...or, a baby car seat for the grandchild!




C'mon Super Lotto!

Have you seen this man? If so, who is he?

Gotta spend more than a dollar someday on decent reading glasses! Or, just wear the ones I have correctly, ie, straight.


Monday, I get to visit the Oncology/Infusion Lab again. Joy! I shouldn't complain, it's only for an injection. When I was there for eight hours a couple weeks ago, people came and went all day for anywhere from a few minutes to a couple hours for chemotherapy treatments. Heck, all I have is severe anemia...a relatively easy fix. It's just that this Procrit injection (used to treat low hemoglobin counts) has a side effects list a mile long. The most disturbing of them is diarrhea and constipation. I'm attempting to picture that scenario. Oh well, trying to more like Del Griffith lately...simply rolling with the flow!

How did I get here?

How did I get here? Or better yet, what am I still doing here after 12+ years, almost 14 if you count our stint in Fresno? I don't need to expound on this pondering, only mention it because it was something I asked myself a few weeks ago. The answer: doesn't matter. The outcome: we're moving back "home" (finally).

Quite honestly, to put it very simply, we (Loretta and I) just don't like here. Here being the San Joaquin Valley, specifically Modesto. I'll save another Modest-blasting blog for later. There just ain't nuttin' here for us any longer! So, sometime between next week and the first of the year, we will pack it all up and pack it all out of here to somewhere on the Central Coast, most likely Arroyo Grande/Pismo Beach/Grover Beach/Shell Beach/Avila Beach, aka, The Five Cities. There is some thought being put toward Santa Maria/Orcutt or Solvang or San Luis Obispo or Los Osos. We just don't know for sure yet.

I did have the opportunity (actually, it was kind of a necessity) to solo it to the CC last week for three days. My mom, Betty, had to undergo a cardio procedure and I felt it my duty to be there for it and a couple days after. She came out of it with flying colors and is doing well.

My two sisters and my son also live in that area, and I was able to hook up with them, albeit very briefly.

I did spend a few hours each day on my own just wandering around some old familiar places... downtown Arroyo Grande, Oceano Beach, Pismo Beach, and so on. My mission was to simply relax and bit and take some pictures. You see, as it turned out, I am still recuperating from my own medical condition. Only recent diagnosed, I have severe anemia. I spent eight hours in the Oncology/Infusion lab at Kaiser in Modesto only Monday, then drove to the CC on Wednesday. I was feeling well enough, ie, better than before the infusion, to go...so I did. By the way, the infusion was two units of whole blood. Hopefully, that will kick start my own system to get my blood back to normal which could take 3 months or so. The cause: they don't really know for sure yet. Most likely it was a low grade, slow bleeding in my GI system possibly caused by Ibuprofen. At any rate, I was not only a couple of quarts low (literally), my hemoglobin level was so low they were amazed I was functioning at all, let alone working. So I took another 10 days or so off work. Now I'm back to work and back in Modesto slowly getting things ready for liftoff...or is it liftout?

Now, I can only hope that the whole blood I had pumped into me was "good" blood, ie, not containing any pathogens, HIV, or nasty DNA. A co-worker told me yesterday that if the blood donor was smoker, I will acquire his or her desire for nicotine and will have to ween myself off of it again. I'm not buying that dribble. Besides, it's been over a week and I still don't feel like starting smoking again. I just hope he or she wasn't some sort of serial killer or something! I have enough of my own issues to deal with!

A few shots from the beach...it was Thursday, I think...










The summer crowds subside to near zero, and us "locals" have this all to ourselves during the week.

Taking stock...er, Making Stock

Whenever I get the least bit ambitious in the kitchen, I get an urge to make my own stock. Store-bought, canned stock (Swanson) is OK stuff. There is a brand in a 32 ounce box (can't remember the name, but relatively expensive) made from Free-range chickens that is better as long as you buy the Low Sodium kind. All store-bought stocks are loaded with sodium. However, nothing beats the flavor of home made! In fact, it really does have a completely different flavor profile than canned stuff.

Just a side note. The difference between stock and broth? Basically, broth is made from boiling raw meat. Stock is made from roasting off the bones (veal, beef, or chicken), then boiling. Both are typically boiled with a basic mirepoix (onions, carrots, and celery) and a bouquet garni of herbs (thyme, parsley and celery leaves for these purposes.

It's not difficult. Roast about 5 pounds of bones (chicken parts like wings, backs, thigh bones, breast bones, etc). Put them on a sheet pan or roasting pan after tossing with canola oil, give them about an hour at 350. Rough chop the veggies. Put roasted bones, veggies, and 3 1/2 quarts of water in large stock pot, add some peppercorns, simmer for 3 hours uncovered. Strain solids, reduce remaining liquid to about 6 cups. Cool. Skim remaining fat. Then freeze or use within 2 days. By the way...never, ever, ever use any salt or pepper on the meat or in the stock while its cooking. Save that for your soup, or sauce, or gravy you make from the stock! Yes, the stock will taste noticeably bland (lacking in salt) if you're used to canned broth or those gawd-awful boullion cubes that are almost all salt.

Stock recipes (or any other recipes for that matter) are not copyrighted. But, I stole this one from Bobby Flay's Mesa Grill cookbook. It's simply a poultry variation on how good, fine-dining, brown stock is made.

An actual plan is afoot!

So, yes, we actually have a plan again after months, if not a years, without my usual list of goals and planning lists. We've been in a sort of state of limbo since January (my little hospital visit). Really, we've been languishing in the Twilight Zone for a couple of years due to financial and professional glitches, most of which have been dealt with according. 'Nuff said about the the "whys" and "wherefores" for now.

I used to make lists with shorts term and long term goals all the time. I was taught and still subscribe to the idea that those lists and goals are not in stone. In other words, they may have to be adjusted and updated as often as needed in the real world. If one doesn't live oneself open for improvisation or "rolling with the flow", one is setting oneself up for disappointment. Things change, life takes odd turns, situations arise.

First and foremost on this new list is the move, of course. That will happen sometime between September and November. There are other very exciting things (exciting for us anyway) on the lists of goals and dreams I won't go into just yet. The list itself is a work in progress. But, just like I did about 12 years ago, with the aid of some Anthony Robbins materials, I am setting some new goals for myself and Loretta. And, I might add, every one of those goals came true...not by magic, just by planning and doing them.

As far as my health goes, I have made some relatively drastic lifestyle changes of late...not the least of which is a weight loss plan. I won't bore you with details.

Perhaps I've pulled myself out the doldrums in which I've been languishing for the last few months. Perhaps it's because I'm feeling better. Whatever the reason, I'm running with that ball!

Twenty down, fifty to go!

Back in the Summer of '10...

Just a quick personal update regarding the State of Skip. Summer is officially here. The weather in the (San Joaquin) Valley has been extraordinarily mild for June...low 90's. I'm sure there will be plenty of 100 degree days in which to swelter and bitch about later on.

So, Loretta and I started Weight Watchers a couple weeks ago. Not officially, ie, we are not paying customers. We simply resurrected the old WW materials, printed up some tracking sheets, and away we went. I actually began a diet regimen on the first of June similar to WW. I started the month at 256 pounds, an all time high for yours truly. Part of that was a lot of extra fluid from a prescription faux paux by my doctors (a new diuretic didn't work), and I swelled up like an early version of Porky Pig. So I went back to an old water pill. Now, after about 3 weeks, I'm at 235. Yes, most of it was water, but I am dropping some fat weight as well. My goal: 187. I figure three months to get down that far, maybe sooner if I start working out.

In addition to jumping on the WW wagon this month, my docs have put me on a home vital sign monitoring program (device). I have to weight myself, check blood oxygen, pulse, and blood pressure by means of a little box with a cuff and finger sensor as well as a scale. The info is transmitted to my Kaiser docs daily. Gotta do it every morning at 6:30 before breakfast. My after BP was doing well at about 115/75. Morning BP readings (before daily meds) tended to be higher, mine were running about 145/90. Now, they stay around 115/70 even right after I get out of bed. Might be the weight loss.

I'm quite sure that I won't have to take that pesky diabetes pill once the weight gets down further. Hopefully, the BP and cholesterol meds can go away as well.

I've also gone back to work, so that activity helps with losing weight and staying positive.

So how hard has it been to give up all my favorite foods, including alcohol? Not bad. When I get into the weight loss groove, it kind of becomes an obsession with me.

The pic is of steel cuts oats, something I have for breakfast at least a couple times a week. It's much more flavorful than regular oatmeal, a bit nutty!

The V Cafe - Choosing the Right Steak

You know, I am sucker for a good recipe. Whether it be from a food network show or from a well-produced cookbook. It's a challenge curtailing my curiosity about whether or not I could make it taste and look just like the photos or videos. Most areas of celebrity home cooking (or baking for that matter) rarely turn out as expected including proper preparing of a good beef steak. The reason is simple: most people don't know how to choose the right steak. So, here's the deal. If you are not sure of your steak choosing knowledge, enlist the help of a real butcher or a real chef. What do I mean by that? Let's put it this way. If you are relying on the "meat guy" who stocks the shelves at your local A&P type chain super market for meat choosing (and preparing) advice, your odds of achieving culinary success in this area are high. In other words, though you may luck out and find someone in these venues with real cooking or meat cutting expertise, chances are you won't.



With that being said, if you want a good steak every once in a while, go to a well-known, highly regarded restaurant that specializes in beef. They will more than likely have the aged beef, the right fire on which to cook it, and the knowledge of how to cook it the right way. And, speaking of that, know this...most folk's perception of Rare, Medium Rare, Medium, and Well Done is a whole "notch" off from a what a good broiler chef knows. Do not get in a debate with a chef about degrees of doneness. Chances are, as a layman in the world of meat, you will be wrong sir (or, madam)!

One incident of gross ignorance when BBQing beef happened a few years ago at a large private party. I was actually the photographer at this wing ding, not the cook. A wealthy friend of mine held a big BBQ for his mother's 80th birthday. He decided to go "all out" and grill Filet Mignons over live oak for about 60 people. The tenderloins cost him about $700, custom cut and ordered from a local butcher shop. One of his buddies supposedly knew how to BBQ for a lot of people. Actually, his claim to fame was that he owned the trailer-sized BBQ rig to be used for this outing. Beyond that, as it turned out, he wasn't much of a chef or cook for that matter. He was adept at the All Well-Done All the Time method of grilling. Anyway, I watched in horror as these guys slapped $700 of beef tenderloins on the huge oak fired grate...then commenced to stick, poke, skewer, stab, and turn each and every steak with huge pitch forks every 5 minutes during the cooking process...which, by the way, went on for a good hour or so! By the time these poor filets were "done", a scientist wouldn't be able to detect an ounce of moisture in any one of them.
There is more liquid on the surface of Mars than was left in these steaks. So why did I not say or do something to stop this horrible carnage before it got out of hand? Well...we had dinner at their house a month earlier. I cooked. I brought a whole tenderloin and cut it into Filet Mignons destined for a little pan browning, then a reduction sauce with Madera wine, garlic, fresh herbs, etc, etc, etc, Well, my eyes almost popped out of my head when I caught the guy methodically poking holes in the filets with a giant fork over and over and over again just before I was going to put them in the pan. I managed to wrestle the fork out of his hand and diplomatically explained the reasoning behind NOT poking holes in steaks before cooking. He politely deferred to my method but not before mentioning his upcoming bash where HE would cook the filets the way he wanted. Finishing our second bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon, we had a decent dinner and he still invited me to document his mother's eightieth birthday with photos. That birthday BBQ was the last time I saw him. I guess he didn't like my cooking criticism or my photography! By the way, beef jerky has more flavor and juice than his BBQ Filet Mignons from that day.

For my money, a thick, thick cut of good beef (2-3 inches thick) gives the best results. Pan roasting that steak and using a meat thermometer almost assures success. Of course, the right seasoning is essential. And, of course, seasoning is a matter of taste. The following recipe is not pan-roasted, but I got great results by roasting it in the gas BBQ.

Ingredients

1 1/2 - 2 lb Boneless Rib Steak, cut 3 inches thick
Extra Virgin Olive oil or Canola oil
Dry steak seasoning of choice, ie, make it yourself (recipe follows)!


Place steak on a clean plate. Brush all four sides with olive oil and liberally apply seasoning. Refrigerate uncovered for an hour. Remove from fridge, sit and come room temperate for about an hour.

Throw away your giant BBQ meat fork. Use large, stainless steel tongs.

Preheat gas BBQ (all burners) to 350. Place steak on hot area of grill, about 2 minutes. Turn 90 degrees for another 2 minutes diamond marking the side. Turn over and do the same on the other side. Turn of 1/2 of burners, either one side or the center burners. Place steak on edge, fat side up on grate where there is no flame. Insert meat thermometer in thickest part. Close the lid and adjust the lit burners to temperature is at a steady 350 degrees. It should take about 20 minutes depending on how thick the steak is. Keep lid closed until thermometer reaches desired temperature as follows: Rare - 125, Medium Rare - 135, Medium - 145, Medium Well - 155, Well Done - 160+. Keep in mind that the meat will continue to cook for about 15 minutes after being removed from the heat source. They say the temperature will rise another 10 degrees, but I have found that to be not quite true...maybe 3 or 4 degrees. At any rate, place the steak on a clean plate, and loosely cover with foil for at least 10 minutes to let it rest. We cook to 145 here. Medium should have a nice carmelization on the outside with the inside a uniform pink (not red) all the way through. Medium Rare should have a small strip of red in the middle.

This is a traditional meat lovers steak cooking recipe. No sauce, no exotic spices, no vegetables, no nothing unless you put it on sparingly at the table, ie, Cholula, Tabasco, Pico de Gallo, A-1, and so on. We're talking baked russet potato with sour cream and butter here. Maybe some grilled veggies like asparagus or zucchini on the side. The other easy variation to this would be on a wood fired grill such as red oak. Mesquite is alright for some things, but adds strong flavors that this cut of meat doesn't really need for you to enjoy.

I love making and eating a dozen different steak recipes including Steak Diane, Steak Poivre, Santa Maria Trip Tip, Steak Oscar (a super variation on Veal Oscar), and so on. But, this one is very simple and the only skill required is the ability to find the right steak. Without that, the rest is academic.

Homemade Seasoning: Combine paprika, sea salt, granulated garlic, granulated onion, black pepper with any other combination of your favorite dry herbs and spices. A little vague? Sure. Play with it to your taste, but make sure salt is in equal portions to anything else, ie, not the main ingredient. And, yes, I do hold the actual ingredients and proportions to my seasoning mixes close to my vest. You will too with yours!

Why? The answer is more simple than one might think.

There's an old story about a philosophy professor who asked his class to write a mid-term paper simply titled, "Why?" He gave them one day in which to complete assignment.

The next day, all the students eagerly came to class and laid their completed assignments on the professor's desk and took their seats. Without saying a word, the professor took the stack of mid-terms and began handing them back to each student after writing a grade at the top of each paper. Most of the students were quite perplexed to see that they had a received an "F"...save for two. One student received a "C", and one student received an "A". All of the "F" papers were one page to five pages in length. Long dissertations quoting everyone from Plato to Bob Dylan. The "C" paper had only two words typed on it" "Why not?". The "A" paper, one word: "Because".

At times, we all tend to make things more complicated than they actually are. Sometimes things just happen. They may not always have reason. That's what I think anyway.

There's a signpost up ahead...Malaise, CA 95350 Population: 1

If you speak the title of this blog aloud in your best Rod Serling voice, it helps to understand where this is all coming from.

Malaise (pronounced mal-aze) is a feeling of general discomfort or unease, an out of sorts feeling. Medically, it can be accompanied by fatigue, or a feeling of not having enough energy to accomplish usual activities.

Fortunately, we (Loretta and I) are still in the "let's maintain our sense of humor about all of this" mode. We joke about it, we laugh in its face, we wake each day hoping it will be this day when it begins to subside. We pray that the doctors are listening to what I say about my well being each time I see them. Their usual order of business: make a minor adjustment on one or more of the medications I gag down each day and say, "Let's see how that makes you feel in a few weeks". Bottom line: I don't feel any better.

An example of the lack of immediacy: I had a sleep apnea evaluation over a week ago. Yesterday, I received an email (no phone call) stating I could pick up a CPAP machine in 5 weeks. The CPAP helps force oxygen into the lungs while you sleep. So, for the next 5 weeks...?

Obviously, my lack of sleep is a contributing factor to my overall lack energy, fatigue, and feeling of malaise. No one is "home" for three days this weekend, so a phone call to the doc would be fruitless until Tuesday. And Tuesday is also the day my current LOA letter runs out, ie, the time my doctor has taken me off work. It really doesn't look like I'll be going back yet as I don't feel any different from three weeks ago.

The good news: I'm not getting any worse, and, my chest cold has just about run its course. That leaves the sciatic nerve lameness, the lack of breath, lack of energy, the stuporous stare, and general fatigue and malaise to battle. I can handle all of that for as long as I have to. At the grocery store, I can now make it from the cucumbers to the cumquats without stopping to catch my breath!

Hey, I tried that Fusion V-8 Juice the other day. I've always been a fan of V-8, and this stuff is pretty good. One eight ounce glass provides one serving each of veggies and fruit. Must be careful though. If I drink too much, I really am not in any shape to be running to the shitter!

F.Y.I.

It's not easy for me to plaster this info all over the internet for anyone to see. But, since I know there are a handful who may be interested...here's the latest.

I've been on a medical leave of absence for a while for a multitude of issues. Having them all come down at once has taken its toll. I am scheduled to go back to work on June 1st, but that remains to be seen...depends on how functional I am at that point.

Bottom line: Medically speaking, it's called severe progressive coronary heart disease...that's the bad news. The good news is that I know I have it and am being aggressively treated for it. I just saw my cardio doc again yesterday, and though he told me nothing new he did reiterate the state of my coronary situation. My cards have been dealt, I have to make a few choices on how to play them.

On top of the coronary thing, I have been working my way through a bout of sciatica (the sciatic nerve is the largest in the body and stretches from the spinal cord down the leg), causing extreme immobility and pain. Add a chest cold to the mix, aggressive blood pressure and cholesterol meds, and I really feel like crap!

The shiny side of the coin? My BP, cholesterol, triglycerides, liver function, and lungs are all excellent now. The dull side of the coin? Depression, attitude, motivation, insomnia...all challenging right now.

I seem to be able to walk much better today and that pain has subsided a bit. If I can get back on one of my (many) bicycles, I can get my energy and fitness back where it should be. Energy to go back to working on some of my projects, ie, photography, writing, cooking.

I know that I have a lot more in me, a lot of time left. And I am much more fortunate than others worse off than I. And, hey...I have Loretta!

Thanks to all who express concern, I appreciate it.

"Now, now!"

Clouseau: There seems to be a lot of crazy people here!

Doctor: We don't use that word around here!

Clouseau: Then what do you call all these crazy people?

Doctor: Now, now!

Clouseau: Well, there are lot of now, now people here...I can tell you that!

Almost Cut My Hair

Thanks for clicking in.

I've had a lot on my mind recently. And considering all of it has been just that (on my mind, not on paper), it's not easy knowing where to start. Since ya' gotta start somewhere...

I'm reminded from time to time about a little boy, around four years old, sitting by himself on a curb in front of his house. He's not doing anything in particular except sitting alone and staring down at the street in front of him, occasionally picking up a small stone and tossing it into the street. The little boy's mother and next door neighbor pause from their morning coffee break, taking notice of him from the kitchen window. Feeling a little sorry for him, they decide to go out and see if the little boy is alright. With his chin cradled in his hands, he appears to be simply pondering the day. Perhaps he is thinking about playing baseball, or chasing lizards, or visiting another little friend up the street. He most certainly is not thinking about anything serious, not worrying about anything in particular. After all, he's only four years old. His mother and her friend reach the curb where the little boy is sitting. They both bend slightly at the waist to better see his face. "Are you alright? You've been sitting out here for quite a while", asks the mother. Without looking around, his chin still in his hands, the little boy responds, "Leave me alone. I just wanna sit here!"

Of course, 56 years later, I haven't really changed that much. Well, some things haven't changed anyway. I still sit and ponder the day, every day, doing way too much thinking.

I know what I think about now. But, what was I brooding over back then, at four years old? Or at ten...or thirteen? Now...I think a lot about mortality. How much time I have left. How many more things I would like to do. Back then, on that particular day, I think I was simply waiting for the Good Humor Man to drive by. And I just wanted to be left alone while doing so. I was then and will always be a somewhat solitary person.

So, the other day, I almost cut my hair. I have (literally) not been feeling up to par. Metaphorically, (to me anyway) it means it is time for a change I suppose.

And I (need to) find a place inside to laugh, separate the wheat from the chaff.
I feel ...
Like I owe it, to someone.

The boy and the door.

The door swung open a little wider. Not all the way, but just enough so the boy could better see what was on the other side.

He had tried to peek at what was on the other side many times, but never had the courage to open it all the way. This time, the door stood more than half way open. It seemed to open this far all by itself, allowing the boy to see more of what was on the other side.

In times past, he imagined wonderful, exciting, adventurous things on the other side of that small opening. He couldn’t see much, the door had been only slightly open....so he really didn’t know for sure. There was light, and there were people, and sounds, and there were things going on he wanted to be a part of. But it was just his imagination at this point. And it just felt right.

He perceived whatever existed on the other side to be a place he wanted be. A friendly place. A comfortable place. A place that would accept him with open arms for what he was: a simple boy with simple dreams and simple ambitions beyond what his years belied.

The old soul within him would continue to burden him all his life, until he grew older...much older.

It was Saturday, June 13th, 1962. His mother woke him up.

No time like the present

Yes, I haven't written much lately. Or should that read: No, I haven't written much lately? No matter. The fact of the matter is...I haven't. Time for a few words about blogging in general I suppose. More specifically, a few words from me about myself and my blogging.

I've come to realize (there's that word again: real, as in realization, or let's be real, or really?) that it's OK to write in this here blog about anything. After all, it is my blog, as in "get your own if you don't like it". Writing about anything versus not writing at all is better, right? Or anguishing over writing about something meaningful as in meaningful to everyone as in relevant as in "Gee, I hope everyone thinks this is cool, er...meaningful!" is not a good thing, write?...er, right?

For instance, tonight, I am on the edge of ordering the Ultimate Edge (again). I say "again" because the Ultimate Edge is Tony Robbin's latest incarnation stemming from the original Personal Power series a number of years ago. I was a big fan. I did that program. It helped me get through having to live in Fresno and work at a buffet chain where Blackstone Ave crackhead hookers hung out fighting over the telephone in lobby. I felt good about it (the program, not the fighting hookers!). I believe that we, she and I, benefited from me doing it. Loretta has always told me, "You were so much nicer when you were going through that Tony Robbins thing...despite the crackheads and back-stabbing employees at the buffet place!" Perhaps I was...perhaps I wasn't...nicer, that is. I know I had a more positive attitude what with setting goals and planning for the future, unlike recent days and months when I strive just to get through a day at a time, one work shift at a time, and so on. Oh, I still have and always will have goals. It just may be time to identify them, write them down, acknowledge them, nurture them, embrace them and actually do something that will move me toward those goals. That's the bottom line of that whole Tony Robbins thing you know...do something today, right now, that moves you closer to that dream job, dream person, dream car, dream house, dream change in your life. A movement (other than a bowel movement) daily in the direction you want or wish or dream to go. And, damn! There's that "D word" again...dream.

I may or may not spend the money on the new T.R. program...kinda been there done that. But the principles of it have stayed with me. Stephen Covey, Deepak Chopra, Tony Robbins, and even Dale Carnegie...I've read or participated in the "programs". All of them tend to get me re-inspired to do the right things right now. They've all motivated me to make changes, if not in my life, in my simple attitude about life.

Recently, I've pledged to myself that firing up aspects of my dormant photography business would be a positive move, a good thing, the right thing for me to do right now. I say "aspects" of the business because there a couple elements of it that I've pledge to myself to NEVER, EVER do again: f***ing weddings!!! More on f***ing weddings in another blog very soon. I still need to vent about that. Don't get me wrong, "gettin' hitched" is a wonderful thing. In fact, for the most part, dealing with the folks whats gettin' hitched was quite pleasant. Dealing with the Mothersinlawzillas? No so much. More later. I can't wait to blog trash about it. It'll be good therapy for yours truly. Then, I may be able to, "Get over it!"

This new blog site will have the comment option left open, at least for the time being. Have at it (comment, criticize...but don't even think about critiquing), and be ready for some brutally honest counter criticism.

Hmmm...the Ultimate Edge...I can "try it" for 30 days for $14.95 + S&H. Then, if I don't send it back, I will be billed $99.95 a month for 3 months. Or, I can buy a used version (or perhaps that's an unused version) on eBay for about a fifth of that. Or, I can buy a couple of fifths of Jack Daniels, invite some friends and relatives over for dinner, have some fun, squirt a few endorfins through my brain, feel good about myself (and others), and NOT have to mail the CDs back within 30 days. I'll get back to you!

imagery

According to dictionary.com...

im-age-ry [im-ij-ree, im-i-juh-ree]

-noun, plural - ries.

1. the formation of mental images, figures, or likenesses of things, or of such images collectively: the dim imagery of a dream.

2. pictorial images.

3. the use of rhetorical images.

4. figurative description or illustration; rhetorical images collectively.

5. Psychology. mental images collectively, esp. those produced by the action of imagination.

In other words...I'll try to write some words and post some photos that will evoke interest, thought, pause, and, perhaps, a return.

Coming Soon!

Coming soon...under construction...awaiting countdown...TBA...be patient.

A collection of thoughtful images, visual and verbal.

J